


Goro Gone Wild

by PrincessLaLa



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Please Don't Take This Seriously, Underage Drug Use, akira is so done, futaba finds the whole thing hilarious as she films it, goro accidentally eats weed brownies and gets high, this is pure crack honestly, yusuke is hungry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessLaLa/pseuds/PrincessLaLa
Summary: When Goro unknowingly eats a lot of weed brownies, it is up to the Phantom Thieves to go find him before he lands himself in trouble. Much hilarity ensues.





	

It had all started off with a box of brownies. More specifically, a box of brownies that Ryuji had baked. That should have been the first clue that something was off about the brownies and were not to be eaten. And to most of the Phantom Thieves as they sat in during a Mementos planning session, that was quite the case, save for Goro.

As Akira talked about the training strategy he proposed everyone do, Ryuji kept a close eye on the Detective, who would occasionally take brownie after brownie from the box, sometimes taking a picture of it for his Instagram. Ryuji tried to keep himself from grinning, especially whenever Goro took another brownie and ate it, sometimes catching the detective muttering something like “I never knew a brownie could taste this good!” which although was very flattering to the blond, was not the reason why he was grinning.

The rest of the planning session went by quickly, and soon, Goro got up to leave, citing work matters as his reason to depart.

“I should get going.” The detective said. “Sae-san is telling me there’s a new case for me to check out. I’ll see you all later though.”

“See you later.” Akira said as Goro stepped out of the café.

As soon as Goro had left, Ryuji finally burst out laughing.

"Ryuji what's so funny?" Akira asked. "This entire time you looked like you were about to start laughing."

"THOSE WERE WEED BROWNIES!" Ryuji howled in laughter. "I put weed in those brownies to prank him and he actually ate them. I can't believe it!"

A shocked silence fell over the rest of the group as Ryuji kept laughing before Ann eventually broke it.

"Ryuji no, how could you!" She shouted as she whacked him upside the head.

"Ryuji you don't even do drugs." Akira pointed out. "Where did you even get the weed?"

Ryuji shook his head. "Some kid at school was selling weed outside the school so I thought it'd be funny for me to buy a couple grams and prank our detective because I knew none of you would actually eat anything I made."

"Well you made a huge mistake because all you did is just waste your money and potentially led him and the rest of us into a dangerous situation." Akira said.

Ryuji abruptly stopped laughing.

"Oh shit, you're right." Ryuji said in horror as the realization dawned on him. "I think you're only supposed to have one, otherwise you get really fucked up. How many did he eat anyway?"

Morgana sniffed at the box of brownies. "I think he ate six of them." They said.

"Oh no." Makoto said, shaking her head as she facepalmed. "My sister is NOT going to be happy about this."

"Well, I for one am VERY happy about this." Futaba said as she took out her phone and checked her notifications. "This is a GOLDMINE of potential blackmail and content for my Twitter and I want to find him so I can film the whole thing."

"I feel like we should find him before he gets hurt or arrested." Haru pointed out.

"I agree." Akira said as he nodded. He paused.

"Yusuke you haven't said anything at all since this happened." Akira commented. "Yusuke?"

He turned to face Yusuke only to see him with chocolate crumbs all over his mouth and a smear of chocolate on the side of his face and his cheeks full of chocolate brownie as he held another one in his hands.

"Yusuke, no! Spit it out!" Akira instructed.

Yusuke shook his head. "But Akira, it's good." He said with his mouth full.

"Spit it out, now." Akira ordered. "Those brownies have weed in them and we don't want you high right now."

Yusuke reluctantly sighed as he went to go to a trash can to spit out the brownie.

"How many of those did you eat?" Akira asked.

"I just spat out my first one." Yusuke replied as he pouted. His stomach growled loudly. "Akira I'm hungry. What am I supposed to eat now?"

Akira sighed exasperatedly. "We'll go get you some food later." He promised. "For now, we have to go find Goro before he lands himself in trouble."

"Or before he greens out in a dangerous place." Ann added.

"Wait Ann how do you know that phrase?" Ryuji asked in surprise.

"Let's just say I got bored one afternoon and made the mistake of watching a whole Seth Rogen movie marathon that was running on TV." Ann said.

"Do we really have to go and find Goro?" Yusuke asked. "He's a detective, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Alright man we know you hate him." Ryuji said.

"GUYS, FOCUS!" Akira shouted.

Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at him.

"I know that a lot of you don't like him and think this is hilarious but this could lead to some serious consequences if we don't go after him." Akira reasoned. "He could do or say something under the influence that could blow our whole cover and even if not it's still kind of a dick move to let him loose like this. Besides we still need his powers in the dungeons."

A chorus of murmurs of agreement was heard as everyone nodded their heads or sheepishly looked away in shame.

"I'd say we split up to go look for him." Akira continued. "He could have gone anywhere at this point so we'll need to cover as much ground as possible."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Makoto, Haru, you two go west." Akira instructed. "Futaba, Ryuji and Ann, you guys go north. Yusuke, Morgana and I will go east. If we don't find him in two hours, let's text each other and meet back here."

"That sounds like a good plan!" Haru chirped. She moved to put on her coat before she grabbed Makoto by the wrist and hurried out with everyone else following suit.

~~~~~

Makoto and Haru walked all over the streets and alleyways leading eastward from the cafe and as they got further and further, heading into a back alley as they did so. The longer they walked, the more the mood started souring as they seemed to find no sign of Goro or reply to their texts that they had sent from him.

"Where could he have even gone?" Makoto said in agitation. "For someone who is under the influence of so much weed, if he went this way he sure is fast."

"Maybe he went in the other direction?" Haru said.

"Maybe." Makoto said.

"Wait hang on, I see something on the ground." Haru said as she bent down to pick it up.

"Isn't this Goro's glove?" Haru pointed out as she held it up.

Makoto took the glove and held it as she placed her other hand under her chin and thought about it.

"Now that you mention it, it kind of does look like it." She said. "But where's his other glove?"

"I found it!" Haru shouted from a little further up ahead. "Oh! And look I found his jacket too! And his shirt! And his tie is here too!"

Makoto walked over to join Haru as she picked up the familiar-looking jacket as well as a white button-up shirt and striped tie.

"That's odd." Makoto said. "He almost never takes off his jacket, let alone his shirt."

Haru looked on the ground once more and saw a suspicious-looking pair of trousers on the ground.

"Are these his pants???" Haru asked in shock as she picked them up. Immediately a phone fell out of the back pocket. She bent down once more to pick it up.

"They must be, if the other articles of clothing are anything to go by." Makoto said. She paused. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

"Ummm Makoto?" Makoto heard Haru ask nervously. "You might want to look at this."

Makoto turned her head to see Haru gingerly holding out a pair of white-and-pink polka dot boxers at arm's length by her fingernails with a look of terrified disgust on her face.

Makoto's face fell. "This is not good." She said as she took the boxers from Haru. "This is not good at all."

"Do you think he could have been kidnapped and then—” Haru began to say panickedly before she heard both her and Makoto's phones buzz with notifications.

Haru pulled her phone out and checked.

"Oh I just got a snapchat update from Futaba!" Haru said as she tapped her phone screen. "I wonder what it is."

"Is now really the best time to be checking snapchat?" Makoto asked sternly. "We still have a high and naked Goro on the loose."

"What If it has something to do with Goro though?" Haru asked as she tapped the little purple square. Sure enough, a video with a butt-naked Goro running across the street at Shibuya crossing (much to the shock and disgust of everyone he ran into) was seen with the caption reading "GORO AKECHI FOUND HIGH IN MIAMI!"

"Miami?" Haru asked in confusion. "But we're in Tokyo???"

"I think it's a meme." Makoto said as she exited the snapchat app and turned off her own phone. "We can ask Futaba about this later but this is good because we know where they are and that they've found Goro."

"True." Haru said. "We should head over to Shibuya crossing."

"I agree." Makoto said. "Let's not waste any more time with this."

"I'll call a cab that can take us there!" Haru offered.

Makoto shook her head. "No time for that. We'd lose valuable time waiting for the cab to arrive. We're going to have to run."

Haru sighed disappointedly as she closed out the call window in her phone and sent off a quick text in the group chat to let everyone know they were meeting up with Futaba's group before she shoved Goro's clothes into her bag and started running with Makoto in the direction of Shibuya crossing.

~~~~~

Futaba didn't think her day could get any better once she learned that Goro had eaten not one, but six weed brownies, but here she was as she, Ann, and Ryuji got a front-row view of a naked and high Goro running loose in the city. While she and the others had been looking for the lost detective, they started to overhear gossip from all of the teenaged girls in the crowd.

"Did you hear?" One girl said to her friend. "Goro Akechi is apparently running naked through the streets near Shibuya crossing. We have to go see!"

"Why would he be running naked though?" The second girl responded.

"Maybe to do something to lure out the Phantom Thieves? I don't know. Let’s go!"

Futaba snorted. Goro sure was luring out the Phantom Thieves, but it wasn't for any case purposes. She tugged on the sleeve of Ann's jacket.

"Hey do you think we should check it out?" She asked the blonde.

"We definitely should." Ann agreed.

"We're pretty close to it anyway." Ryuji added. "Let's go." He said as he started walking.

It didn't take the group long to reach the crossing and sure enough, there was Goro, running around with no clothes and overall just scaring and disgusting everyone in sight but his fans, who were all either swooning, taking out their phones to record the spectacle, or both.

"I THINK I'M PREGNANT WITH KITTENS!" Goro shouted at a scared and confused-looking fan that had held up her phone to snapchat the whole thing. "Can someone please take me to the hospital so I can give birth?" He held up his wallet as he made texting motions on it. "No matter how much I try to text or call the hospital, they won't answer!"

Futaba tried to hold back her laughter to keep her hand from shaking as she took out her cameraphone and started filming but she ultimately failed when Ryuji wheezed and started laughing uncontrollably, causing her to break and start laughing as well.

"Guys, this isn't funny!" Ann said with an almost-straight face as she tried to keep herself from laughing. "We have to go after him otherwise we'll lose him in the crowd."

"Alright but I'm still filming this." Futaba said as she started up her camera once more and started running after Goro. The others followed after her immediately.

~~~~~

After spending an hour and a half of listening to Yusuke dramatically whine and complain about how hungry he was, Akira had had enough.

"If I buy you food right now, will you shut up and actually let me look for Goro?" Akira finally snapped. He felt bad for yelling at his friend, but looking for a stoned Goro in a city as big as Tokyo was stressful enough as it was before having to deal with someone whining about his hunger pangs.

Yusuke stopped talking before he nodded. "Yes please." He said as his stomach growled loudly once more. "Thank you so much Akira! You're the best!"

Akira just sighed exhaustedly and nodded as he patted Yusuke's arm before they both stepped into a nearby convenience store.

Morgana stuck their head out of Akira's bag. "Jeez. Akira why did you decide to go with the Starving Drama Queen?" They asked. "We're going to lose valuable time if we spend it in here while Goro is out there."

"Shhh be quiet." Akira said as Yusuke quickly grabbed a couple Onigiri and melon pan buns off of the shelves before he walked back to Akira.

"Do you think this will be everything?" Akira asked the blue-haired boy. "I'm not coming back here you know."

Yusuke nodded. "I think this should be everything." He said. "Thank you so much for buying me food, Akira." He said gratefully.

Akira nodded before he turned to face the cashier and pay up while Yusuke turned to look outside the window.

Yusuke couldn't believe his eyes when he looked out the window and saw...

"NAKED GORO!" Yusuke exclaimed in shock. "Akira I just saw Goro run past and he was naked!”

“Wait what?” Akira said as he turned around, food in hand. He looked out the window. “I Don’t see him though.”

“That’s because he ran past!” Yusuke said as he quickly headed toward the door. “You have to believe me, I wasn’t lying about this.”

Akira ran over to the door and opened it. As he and Yusuke stepped outside, they were instantly barreled into by Ryuji, Ann and Futaba who had been hot on Goro’s trail the entire time.

“Ooof!” Ryuji exclaimed as he tripped and fell on the pavement as the force of Ann running had knocked Akira onto the ground. “Watch where you’re going, asshole!” He shouted before he looked up and realized he had just shouted at Akira.

“Hey man.” Ryuji suddenly said sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t realize it was you.”

Akira shook his head as he stood up. “It’s fine.” He said as he helped Ryuji get up. “I’m just glad we can catch up and we found Goro.”

“Speaking of which,” Ann said. “We’re losing him. Come on!” She shouted as she started running in the direction that Goro left in. The others immediately started running after her.

“I just got a text from Makoto and Haru!” Futaba said as she looked at her phone screen while she continued running. “Apparently they’re headed in our direction to meet us!”

“Good!” Akira said. “We’ll need all the help we can get.”

Makoto and Haru soon caught up with their group, just in time to see Goro run head-on into a parked police car.

“Augh!” He shouted as he rolled off the front of the car’s hood.

Immediately, two police officers jumped out of the car. “We got him!” One of the officers said into his walkie-talkie as his partner took out a pair of handcuffs.

"Goro Akechi, you are under arrest for public indecency, harassment, public intoxication and disturbance of the peace." The other officer said as he clipped a pair of handcuffs onto Goro's wrists and proceeded to lead him into the back of a police vehicle.

"Wait officer!" Ann said, panting breathlessly as she finally caught up to the police vehicle. "That's our friend." She said. "Isn't there anything you can do to let him go if we take care of him right now?"

"Well, you're going to have to bail him out at the jail." The other officer said. "There's literally nothing we can do about this right now but take him into custody until we sort this out."

And with that, he stepped into the front passenger seat of the police vehicle before his partner drove off.

Everyone looked around at each other in awkward silence.

"I guess we should head to the jail then." Akira said, breaking the silence. Everyone nodded and started walking in the direction of the jail.

~~~~~

When everyone got to the jail, Sae was already there and she was seething mad.

"BY RIGHT I SHOULD JUST FIRE YOU RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT!" She shouted angrily into the jail cell at an ashamed-looking and still-naked Goro. "You're lucky you're one of the top detectives in our department and we need your brainpower, otherwise I would have had you clean out your desk tomorrow morning."

“Hey Sis.” Makoto said awkwardly as she and Haru walked into the room and handed Goro his clothes through the cell bars while the others stood back and watched.

“Hello Makoto.” Sae said in exhaustion as she turned to face her sister. “What brings you here?”

“We heard about Goro’s…. accident.” Makoto responded, carefully choosing the word so as not to blow anybody’s cover. “And we found his clothes while we were all out and thought we should bring them here. We figured we shouldn’t leave our friend naked and afraid.”

“That’s very kind of you.” Sae said as she paced her head in her hands. “He’s caused more than enough trouble as it is. I Don’t even want to think about how much I’ll have to spend on bail money.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it Niijima-san!” Haru said cheerfully. “Before we stepped inside, I took the liberty to pay off his bail money!”

“Thank you so much… Okumura-san, was it?” Sae asked as she tried to remember Haru’s name.

Haru nodded. “Yes.” She replied.

“Anyway, thank you.” Sae said as she stood up while a guard walked up to the cell to unlock it. “That wasn’t quite necessary of you, but I appreciate the gesture all the same.”

"What was in those brownies?" Goro slurred as the guard led him out of the cell and took off his handcuffs.

"It's weed, asshole." Akira said as he walked over and slung Goro's arm around him for support. "Come on, let's go."

"Hey Goro!" Futaba said as Akira led Goro out the door. "You're actually a slushie from 7-Eleven!"

"Futaba what are you doing?" Ann whispered in confusion.

"Just watch." Futaba whispered back as she held up her camera phone higher.

"Wait, I'm actually a slushie???" Goro asked in wonder. "What flavor am I?"

"Orange creamsicle!" Futaba said.

"That's the worst kind!" Ryuji said, trying to keep himself from laughing.

"I'm Orange creamsicle?" Goro said in disappointment.

"Yeah you are!" Futaba said. "Be careful walking, your lid is off. If you trip, your insides will spill out!"

At that moment, Goro tripped slightly over his own feet, causing him to start crying.

"NOOO PLEASE I DONT WANT MY BRAIN TO SPILL OUT!" He sobbed as he limply held his free hand up to his head as if he were holding a hat, or more likely a lid, in place.

Futaba, Ann, and Ryuji burst out laughing while Makoto rolled her eyes and Haru looked on in confusion as Yusuke shook his head.

“Come on, we’re almost to the curb.” Akira said. “We can call a cab from there.”

“If you let me come along, I can pay for it!” Haru offered as she stepped in to help support Goro on his other side.

“You really don’t have to do that Haru.” Akira said embarrassedly as he stood at the curb and hailed a cab, which drove up immediately towards them.

“Well, anything to make sure you don’t spend your money unnecessarily on things.” She said as she helped Goro get into the back seat and climbed in next to him.

Akira sighed resignedly as he got in on the other side. Once Haru made her mind up about a thing like this, it was quite difficult to get her to change it. The cab pulled away and back into the street as the others watched.

As soon as the cab was out of their line of sight, everyone else turned towards each other.

“I’m never doing that again.” Ryuji said as he leaned over and placed his hands on his knees in exhaustion. “Great workout, honestly I think I beat my personal record that I held back on the track team, but I really wish I didn’t have to see Goro’s junk in order for that to have happened.”

“Well, that’s really on you.” Ann pointed out.

“She is right.” Makoto agreed. “If it weren’t for your irresponsible actions, this would never have happened.”

“On the upside,” Futaba said. “I got all this hilarious footage of Goro that I can use to blackmail him with later.” 

Yusuke’s stomach growled loudly. “I still never got to eat the food Akira bought me from the convenience store.” He said sadly. “And I think Akira dropped it in all the commotion to catch Goro.”

“Aww Yusuke.” Ann said pityingly. “We’ll get you some food on the way back. How does that sound?”

Yusuke perked up instantly. “That sounds wonderful!” He said. “Let’s go!”

“Agreed.” Makoto said. “After all the running we did, I think some food would be much appreciated.”

“There’s a ramen place nearby!” Futaba said, checking her phone’s map. “We should go there.”

The entire group ended up walking in silence to the ramen shop, completely exhausted, but happy that this fiasco was finally over. And in that moment, Ryuji decided he was never going to bake pot brownies ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I have literally no excuse for writing this other than the fact that this is a late Christmas gift for my friend Michelle after I saw this tweet she made (which was heavily inspired by a dream Twitter user Franisademon had) and I couldn't kick the plot inspiration:
> 
> https://twitter.com/emperoryusuke/status/812756741284827136
> 
> Side note: all of the things Goro did and said in this fic have been some of the stuff I've seen the stoners and frat boys in my college dorm do while they were high so this is real and authentic. 
> 
> Anyway Merry Christmas Michelle, I hope you liked it!
> 
> The rest of you readers I'm going to update the Blind!Yusuke AU really soon so keep an eye out for that!


End file.
